I Think My Dad is Dying

When the heart weeps for what it has lost,
the soul laughs for what it has found. – Sufi aphorism

 

My dad is very ill right now and is not expected to recover, laying in a strange bed in the geriatric ward in one of the local hospitals. He has ice on his head and under his arms and had been packed in ice earlier today. He finally stopped pulling out the IV to keep him hydrated. He hasn’t urinated on his own for four days and that’s all the intimate details that I will relate about his condition.

On the way down to see him (after receiving a call from my mom that he had taken a “turn for the worst” and that we needed to get down to see him) my husband asked if I was OK and I told him that honestly, with the Alzheimer’s, my dad’s been gone for a while, so I wasn’t really in complete shock about the whole thing. 

He sleeps and rumples the blanket in his hands like he’s searching for the end of it or using it as some sort of a lifeline. At one point as I at next to him as he slept, he pulled out the oxygen cannula. He didn’t open his eyes and spoke quietly,  and said “Life.”

I asked, “What?” and he repeated, “Life.”

“What about life Dad?”

“It’s been a good story,” he responded.

“It sure has Dad.”

 

All I could think as I sat there was how fast time goes. Where has it gone so fast?

My son is in high school. It seems like he was just a baby. My daughter is in middle school. Where has the time gone?

This is why it’s so crucial  to stay in the moment.

 

It’s funny because today on my way home from work I was listening to Linkin Park’s In the End and after not hearing it for a while, the words held fresh meaning:

 

All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window…

There is only one time
when it is essential to awaken.
That time is now. – Buddha

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